All She Could Mutter
by LadyPiratte
Summary: One fateful night, Senator Amidala learns of Anakin's horrible fall. She must now take action to protect the lives of her unborn children with the aid of Anakin's mentor, Obiwan Kenobi.


**All She Could Mutter**

She stared into the mirror at her reflection. The years of her many faces flashed before her eyes and those years were taking their long, slow toll. Her breathing was ragged as she watched a tear fun down her cheek, taking a bit of make-up with it. She caught it and started at her moist fingertips, rubbing them together absently.

He had made her cry. She hadn't thought that would ever happen. They argued and disagreed, as all couples do, but he had never made her cry. He said that he would never make the crystal tears fall and he _lied_.

He had scared her to the point of tears. She was scared _for_ him. He had never behaved like he had that night. He was so angry, almost vengeful. It terrified her so deeply. It had terrified her to the point that she went to Obi-wan Kenobi, something she had never thought to do. Obi-Wan was his mentor, she had never wanted to come between them as she was now.

Perhaps she shouldn't have gone, but she could think of nothing else to do. Obi-wan knew Anakin, perhaps there was some insight to be gained and learned that he knew and she did not. Obi-wan after all was like Anakin's father and so as if a father-in-law to her. He had to help, in some, even small way.

But the knowledge gained only created more fear and more tears. She loved Anakin, loved him with all her heart and she would love him no matter what, but something in his eyes had scared her to tears. It burned a horrible blaze in her heart to be terrified of him.

She hadn't known he was going to come that night. It didn't matter when he visited, she was always glad to see him, but his eyes were dark that night, filled with troubled thoughts. He had been angry and frustrated and talked of such darkness. She felt like she was losing him, like her grip was slipping from his fingers and he was falling into an endless pit. She didn't understand him anymore.

She had heard him speak of such things before, but she thought it was harmless, that he was just blowing off steam as so many people, even jedi, need to do. It worried her to hear him bring such anger up again and in such power and force. She didn't think Jedi could be angry or allow themselves to be angry. He was so much better than that.

"Oh, Anakin," she whispered silently to her reflection. Another tear ran down her cheek and this time she didn't whip it away. It followed the contour of her grief-stricken face and ended its path at her chin. It dripped away into the cloth of her nightgown.

She moved away to pace slowly, unable to bear looking at herself. She had to remain calm, but it was so hard to do so. Deep down she knew Anakin to be such a good person. What had happened to him? Why did he change?

Inside her plump stomach, the babes shifted and she placed a soft hand on them. Through her tears, she forced a smile. There was such hope inside her, Anakin had to see _that_ hope was not abandoned.

"My lady," Dormé entered silently, eyes apologizing for intruding. She held her tongue until Padmé looked up from her children. "Master Obi-wan Kenobi is here to see you." Her eyes radiated a sort of comfort.

Padmé looked at the handmaiden and her friend. How loyal she had always been to her. There were not enough words to describe her appreciation. She followed Dormé to the door and upon seeing the Jedi Master, could not help but to throw her arms around him and hug him.

It was comforting to be in the arms of a man who knew her husband so well. There was common ground in their concern and love for Anakin. If she could not help him, then Obi-Wan could.

"It's Anakin." He pulled away. His voice was almost shaking, as if he were holding back tears.

Padmé froze horribly, heart stopping. She closed her eyes. The way he had said Anakin's name made her blood stop flowing through her veins. He would never have said it such as he did if something horrible had not happened. She opened her eyes to block out the imagination of what may have happened.

She didn't need to be told much more. It didn't matter what else he told her. Her heart told her everything she needed to know. She choked on a sob.

"He fell." He said simply, but there was such strong emotions behind it and a double meaning. Padmé didn't care about that double meaning just then. She cared that her children wouldn't have a father to raise them, or play with them, or teach them. She cared that she would never been held in his strong arms again.

She found herself unable to breath and unwilling to breath. Breathing would mean another second gone by that Anakin was no longer there. That simple phrase could have so many meanings and none of them good by any way. "Is he...?"

"We must get you and the unborn children to safety." He changed the subject. Obviously, even he was unwilling to say what they both knew to be true.

"No one would never hurt them. We are unimportant now." She shook her head. Unimportant. It hurt to say it. He was a good man, though, and Anakin had trusted him. If Obi-wan felt it necessary to hide them, Padmé had to listen.

Padmé didn't want to believe that Anakin was dead. Her heart still beat in her chest and she had always thought it would stop if he were to die. That had to be a sign, it had to be. Padmé clung to it with all the strength she had left.

"If he...If he survived. He may come for them. There is no more Anakin left." Obi-wan sounded like he was folding in on himself.

"No," she shook her head. "No. He is a good man. They are his _children_."

"I know, but he turned and I know that it is hard to grasp..." He paused, taking a breath to steady himself, "but once you start on that path... He fell so far."

Padmé remained silent, breathing deep to keep the sobs at bay. She had to be strong. That simple sentence hurt more than Obi-wan could have imaged. 'He fell so far.' It was so final to what happened to Anakin. Her lips quivered and the pain reached the depths of her soul. "He has yet to see them," she murmured. "He will never see them." She covered her head in her hands and cried.

She was standing outside the Lars homestead cradling both her children as she stood before their grandmother's grave. Shmi had been such a good woman in the time Padmé had met her. It might have been a silly thought, but she wanted their grandmother to see them, _together_. She wanted Shmi to see her granddaughter and grandson. She wished the gentle woman could have seen them and held them.

"This is Luke," She smiled at the wiggling little boy, then at the sleeping girl, "And Leia. Spitting images of our Anakin. You should see them."

A gentle hand touched her shoulder gently and she turned slowly to look at Obi-wan. She noticed that he looked tired and older than she had ever seen him. He nodded to her questioning eyes. She knew what she had to do and she didn't like it.

"Is this the only way?" She pleaded. She couldn't bear to give up her son. He reminded her so much of Anakin. She wanted to hold that close to her heart forever.

"They are our only hope," he explained again, softly. She knew the reason and the explanation. She had questioned it so many times already.

She handed her daughter to Dormé so that she could say good bye to her son properly. The others moved off to give her some space for her last moments with her him; her last moments.

He was so much like his father. His beautiful eyes stared up at her and she couldn't bear to hold the tears back any longer. "Oh Luke, sweet Luke." She wanted to hold him forever in her arms, but she knew that if she didn't do this now, she could never bring herself to do it. It was so hard, so hard to let go. "Happy little Luke, they will take care of you. They're your family too. Be good for them and laugh all the time." She kissed the top of his head, to which he cooed so happily. She cried with him for a moment, before turning back.

Slowly she walked over to Owen and Beru. They were good people, she could trust them. In fact, she could trust no one but them. "Take care of him." They nodded and Beru, the sweet woman that she was, touched her arm gently before taking the child slowly, almost reluctantly. Beru knew the woman's pain to be great. Padmé forced a polite smile of 'thank you.'

Obi-wan had to lead her back to the ship and Dormé had to carry the sleeping Leia. Padmé could hardly keep herself standing. She needed Anakin. She needed her Ani.

"How could it come to this? Such happiness taken away so quickly?" She cried. It was foolish to ask such a question. She knew the answer to it all and hated it. It filled her with such emptiness. "Such a good man. How Anakin?"

Padmé looked out the window of Bail Organa's home on Aldeeran. It was raining and the sky lit with lightning, creating beautiful little cracks. It was such a fitting storm for the way she felt. The cracks of her heart widened with each flash. Two thirds of her heart was gone and her daughter, someone else's now. She could never be happy again, not truly, perhaps not even a little.

She could feel her body weakening, unwilling to take anymore pain into it. She was so numb now. She felt nothing, nothing to ease the pain, nor make it worse. Padmé felt hollow inside and it hurt. She knew she would die soon and somehow, she didn't want to stop it.

She fought no treatment, but did nothing to help herself. Obi-wan visited as often as safety could allow, just to make sure she lived another day. But with each of his visits, she was reminded on the son she left behind. She felt like she was abandoning her son.

She stared at the rain drops as they fell, like the tears that fell from her eyes. Padmé was so tired of fighting. The fight was all but drained out of her.

"Senator Amidala?" Bail stood in the doorway behind her. He was the only one to keep addressing her as Senator. "Are you alright today?"

All she could mutter was, "Anakin."


End file.
